QueenBee's blogspot...

Saturday, September 20, 2003:

As I was leaving the Marsh residence this morning after being dismissed from a night of babysitting I saw a looming figure cloaked entirely in black from head to toe cross the street and, once across, dissapear amidst a sea of cars in a parking lot underneath an apartment complex. Even as I drove by mere seconds later the figure in black was gone and I could not help but think the following two things...

1. I believe I just saw death.

2. I wonder if that is what I look like when I cross the street?

So today, rather than dressing in my normal black attire I opted for something a bit more uplifting... dark brown. Well, the pants, at least, were brown. I couldn't bring myself to make a complete transformation, it's too out of character, even if in the middle of the night I do happen to remind someone of death.

QueenBee // 3:44 PM

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Sunday, September 14, 2003:

Since I no longer have an imood, this will have to do-

I am bitter. And resentful. And judgemental. I'll admit that. But I am no more these things than the next person who you see walking down the street, I am just vocal about it. If you would rather a friend who is dishonest with you and who bottles shit up inside so that one day they can blow up and take everything and it's mother out on someone who does not deserve it then by all means- people like that are all around you. Now, granted, I may be unpleasant sometimes but unless something has really hurt me if you will just tell me to get the fuck over it I will probably listen to you. Because despite my surliness and my crabiness if I chose to make an effort to include you in my life that means I love and respect you and there is very little you could say or do to actually tarnish that love, guaranteed. So, if you get angry with me or frustrated at the way I behave please be patient. I don't have many people around that I can call friends, I am still not anywhere near to being okay with losing Shayla last year, and you haven't a clue how lonely it is where I am. And I did just turn 20 for Christ sakes, so if I seam immature there is probably a good reason. And if I ask you too many questions or my ignorance grates on your nerves, I am sorry- I don't have anyone else to go to, try and understand that. There will be times where it seems like we are underwater and I am trying desperately to hold on to you, so it may seem like I am pulling you down under the current as I struggle.

I just need you to help keep me from drowning, is all.

QueenBee // 8:49 PM

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~The blog of the ever cynical but occasionally humorous QueenBee~

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