QueenBee's blogspot...

Saturday, May 24, 2003:

I remember seeing you laying there and wanting to hold your hand or touch you in some way but you were covered from the neck down... your brain had stopped regulating your body temperature by that point. You mom was busy on your face, dabbing a tissue to the small abrasions, whispering and crying to you. So I stood there. Called you "peach", something I called you when we were alone together, just hanging out like best friends do. I remember the monitor alarm that would go off every few minutes, when it sounded I thought it was your heart flatlining and I was always scared but relieved each time I heard it... and then it would register that it was just an annoyance to fuck with my head. I remember thinking that you looked like Pebbles from the Flintstones, because your hair was pulled in a tie above your head. You looked so peaceful. I remember the waiting room and the laughter that wasn't real and I remeber just thinking how I wanted you to go ahead and die...

But no one would understand that part.

And I am so sorry.

QueenBee // 1:49 AM

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Friday, May 23, 2003:

last car ride: Came home from work about a half an hour ago...
last kiss: Early this morning. Early...
last good cry: Prolly about a month ago, after a fight with the old man.
last library book checked out: Can't remember the title or author, though I just returned the damned thing. How sad is that?
last movie seen: Phone Booth with Ms. Christy...
last book read: Little Birds Erotica by Anais Nin... agian.
last cuss word uttered: "Fuck you" to Andre, right before I told him to go to hell.
last beverage drank: Strawberry sodi-pop
last food consumed: Burger and fries. The period diet.
last crush: Benji and Joel Madden of Good Charlotte
last phone call: I called my Mee-Maw during break tonight...
last tv show watched: Elima-date with Nick last night... we didn't make it through 5 minutes of Shipmates.
last time showered: Around 2pm this afternoon.
last shoes worn: My insect-squishin' bubble gum treadin' Sketchers :)
last cd played: A CD Kev made for me eons ago...
last item bought: Nail stuff on my lunch break yesterday.
last downloaded: I don't download anything.
last annoyance: Mr. Peter Hadreas, a customer I have spoken to 4 times in the last 2 days. That's a record right there, folks.
last disappointment: 4:07pm today. Work time comes so fast when your in a moment.
last soda drank: Strawberry :)
last thing written: An email to Nick.
last key used: House key
last words spoken: "Thanks" to the guy at Jack In The Crack who called me "sweetheart"
last sleep: 3:56pm to 4:06pm this afternoon... I think.
last im: I don't IM.
last fantasy: Helping someone... shower. Literally... but not limited to showering. Bah.
last weird encounter: Atari's mind reading.
last ice cream eaten: Cake batter ice cream with cookie dough
last time amused: Last night when we fell off of the bed ;)
last time in love: Skipping this one due to lack of human emotion...
last time hugged: This afternoon at 4:09 or so.
chair sat in: This grey computer chair that swivels all over the place.
last lipstick used: My strawberry flavored/colored Jane.
last underwear worn: Periwinkle satin ones with flowers... reserved for this time o' month.
last bra worn: Red mesh with roses.
last shirt worn: Black tank with lace, too low cut.
last time dancing: Dancing?
last poster looked at: Some Earthlink shit.
last show attended: "O" at the Bellagio
last webpage visited: Kristens Xanga journal... hence this questionaire.
1 MINUTE AGO: Replied to Nick's email.
1 HOUR AGO: Driving home from work.
1 DAY AGO: *giggle, giggle*
1 WEEK AGO: Went out with Christy, I believe.
1 YEAR AGO: Tried to learn not to hate myself for what I had done, tried to look forward to my trip with Shay.

QueenBee // 12:21 AM

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Tuesday, May 20, 2003:

Last month my hair was so short that I could not even fathom putting it up in a ponytail. This month I have an over abundance of tail on my pony... *sigh* I am aggrivated because the man who called me 'dear' at Sonic said he threw a handful of cherries into my Dr. Pepper and when all was said and done their were a total of 3. Fucker.

And by the way (just for the record) I was not looking for you to validate what I already knew...

I was just looking for you to show it.

QueenBee // 9:55 PM

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Sunday, May 18, 2003:

So I was talking the other day with Chris about a song I had heard that makes me think of him... I told him that it is that way will all of the men I have had relationships with. I told him that if I chose to post the about the song, I would post the ones for the others as well, so he did not feel left out. So here goes... feel free to copy and paste the links into a web browser to read those song lyrics.

***

Chris: Norah Jones; Cold Cold Heart
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/norahjones/coldcoldheart.html

Steve: Steven Page; Break Your Heart
http://www.warnerchappell.com/wcm/song_search/song_detail/songview.jsp?esongId=135616400&view=fulllyrics

David: Theory Of A Deadman; Make Up Your Mind
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/theoryofadeadman/makeupyourmind.html

Phoenix: Good Charlotte; Bloody Valentine
http://www.lyricsdomain.com/lyrics/28404/

Kevin: Jimmy Wayne; Stay Gone
http://www.coquet-shack.com/lyrics/Wayne_Jimmy/Stay_Gone_2030.htm

Nick: Alanis Morrisette; Head Over Feet
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/alanismorissette/headoverfeet.html

***

If anyone has any qualms about the lyrics I have posted, just remeber that each song was chosen because this is how I had felt about these individuals at one time or another (Omitting Phoenix's, of course, this is how I imagined he felt about me *LOL*) The point is that no matter how you feel about it, this is how it was. They weren't posted to make you feel bad, so don't take them that way... rather, maybe they will help you to understand some things? In either case, you should be able to appreciate the mockery of the other relationships that did not include you... *kisses*

QueenBee // 4:36 PM

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~The blog of the ever cynical but occasionally humorous QueenBee~

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